And it's beginning to get to me
that I know more of the stars and sea
than I do of what's in your head.
Barely touching in our cold bed.

:(

this was not part of the plan.

it's not the time to worry, but it's what i do best.

<3

lyfe.

"The words we say
Take different shapes
And you can only do so much
To try to get your point across.."
- The words we say - Straylight Run

"we may die from medication, but we sure killed off the pain."
-lua - bright eyes

can't help but feel a little down. i think its time to start knocking some things off my checklist for my life. i'm ready to pick up and leave.

goodnight.

things to do before i die:

1. live in italy for a year
2. live in greece for a year
3. live in australia for a year
4. visit paris, ireland, africa, etc.
5. get a pug
6. get married
7. have beautiful children
8. get a pedicure
9. get a manicure
10. have a full body massage
11. go to law school
12. go to medical school
13. own my own business
14. save someones life
15. change someones life
16. stop being so awkward
17. stand up for myself
18. rid the world of evil


xoxo

remind me to NEVER live in another apartment.

i really want to go to a palm reader.

to: you.

love, me.
xoxo

to: you.

love, me.
xoxo

he loves me all up.
but i'm so down today.

if i could take back the past 4 days, i would.


everything would be alright.

these days.

i have never felt more alive.


it's a funny thing.

ironic.

got the tattoos. awesome!


ETID's twitter totally responded to me. i never felt cooler in mylife.

haheah

uuhh... yeah.

its been a while... but who noticed?

i've been pretty busy lately. busy with work, busy with more work, and busy trying to keep busy.

the apartment is great! nothing has happened regarding my crazy neighbors lately. so thats cool. :) lets just hope it stays that way.

besides that, theres really nothing to talk about.. :/

so, that was a waste of time.

XXOO.

enjoy.

apartment!

tomorrow, drew and i are going to sign our very first lease to our very first apartment!

:D

future<3

last night, drew and i got a little bored and decided to go to wal-mart to find a cheap movie. while we were there, we got excited and started looking at house stuff. :)
we ended up buying all our plates, bowls, glasses, & silverware.
not to mention, we already have our couch. and OH MY GOSH. this thing is the coolest couch i've ever seen. it's totally retro and from the 70's. so we're going to have a retro-fab theme for our apartment. it's gonna be awesome. so we went to goodwill (hehe) today and bought a brand new lamp for only $5. we then went to target and found that SAME lamp for $25. so we got a good deal. goodwill rocks. :) anyways, were going to check out the apartments behind VG's because they're cheap. so i think we're going to get out on our own within the next few months. i'm so happy!
heres the awesome couch. its so us.

i'm not really sure when everything started going wrong, but believe me, it did.

i feel nothing, nothing.

"And in the middle of drinks, maybe the fifth or the sixth
I'm completely alone at a table of friends
I feel nothing for them.
I feel nothing, nothing."
Hit The Switch- Bright Eyes

I need to seriously start getting my priorities straight.

Taryn Lately.

Weeeelllll, not much has been up my alley lately.

I finished my training at Bentley, and I LOVE IT! Its so amazing... All of the residents are so funny and interesting.. They make every day different and unique. I just had to get a physical today, since its required for the job. I got tested for TB and the shot they had to give me SUCKED. It left a huge bubble in my arm. siiiick. But my doctor was so coool. He noticed the tattoo on my wrist and asked about it, which lead to a 10 minute conversation about tattoos. He was awesome. I have to go back Wednesday to get all my test results, so thats cool.
I've been sick for the past few days.. Don't know how I caught it, but whatever. I'm feeling much better today, but saturday and sunday were the worst. I had pressure in my head, neck, and chest and i just wanted to sleep all day. Oh well.
Drew's family just bought a Wii and everything you would ever need for it.. haha. I played around with the wii fit and apparently lost 2 pounds. i'm suuuper sore. which is cool, because i haven't worked out in... months. so, thats my new inspiration.
Speaking of Drew, were going to finally put a deposit down on Glen Gables. :) I'm so veerrrry excited. I'm thinking about selling the dress and stuff that i already have and buy a different one.. I love it, but I think there's a different one out there that is better for me. We'll see.

I guess my life isn't that interesting...

wednesday seems too far away.

Valentines Day.

Every year, I see "Valentines Day is sooooo overrated/lame/stupid/unfair/etc." Usually it's from single people, which I guess is understandable. But sometimes I see couples saying it, too. Obviously V-Day is a Hallmark holiday, but I like to think of it as a reminder to just add some romance to your relationship. It's a day where it's not all about you, but all about your relationship. I don't see a reason to run out and buy chocolate, flowers, and gifts for my significant other, but I don't see anything wrong with celebrating a fake holiday so you can have a great night. Personally, we had a great V-Day. I cooked Drew his favorite dinner and we watched a cheesy romance movie and gave eachother back massages. We didn't rush out to the coolest restaurant and all the usual things... I just hate when people are so pessimistic about the cheesiest holiday ever. :)

Remembering.

What's the scariest moment in your entire life? The time you thought, "there is no way I'm going to live." Your worst nightmare?
I must have blocked mine out, but it all came back to me last night. This is totally embarrassing, but I am terrified to be home alone at night. I've always wondered why. But, I finally remember.

When I was about 14, I had to babysit for someone on the corner of Dort Hwy. and Coldwater Road. (Pretty rough area...) Well, it was pretty late (around 2 a.m.) when I noticed a drunk guy walking around in the driveway. He was screaming and swearing. I was praying he wouldn't knock on the door. He did alot more than just knock on the door... He came into the house. (I know I locked the doors... he must have broken in..) Luckily, the baby was asleep and I had the lights off in the room I was in. While he was in the kitchen right next to me, swearing and going through the cupboards, I was curled up on the couch hyperventilating, crying, and silently praying that he would leave. A 14 year old girl is no match to a beligerant drunk man. He sat in the kitchen for a good hour. That was the longest hour of my life. I honestly thought he'd find me and rape and/or kill me. And remembering it now, it is so clear to me. I feel as if I were still curled up on that couch, scared to death. There's no doubt what he would have done if he found me. I don't think I ever told my mom until today. It was pure fear.
Now, I have no doubt that that incedent has ruined my independence. I am petrified of being alone. He ruined it for me.

Seriously, is that not messed up?

:)

why do i love the golden girls so much?

my favorite lyric.

"keep the wind at your back and the sun on your face."
- does he love you? by Rilo Kiley

basically, i'm not going to stress myself out over the negative things in my life. i have plenty of positive things to be happy about... and even more to look forward to. why waste time thinking about the past and being angry about things? things change. some for the better and some for the worse... i understand that. things happen that are out of my control, and i understand that, now.

so, i've learned that you have to just keep going on with your life, with or without certain people.

VENTING.

alright. i'm completely vulnerable, at this point. and i'll probably regret posting this, but who gives a crap?

i'm so ready to leave this town. i've said that before, but i've never felt so repulsed by everyone around me. i feel disconnected from my friends and even some of my family. i feel i've fallen so out of the loop that there is no way that i'll ever get back in.

my best friend since i was a toddler has become just a mere acquaintance within the past couple of months. its devastating to say. i hate even saying it. this girl was practically my sister. i remember sitting in her living room. we both had drawing pads and we were drawing our dream wedding gowns and we promised right then and there that we'd be eachother's maid of honors. well, here we are. she is my maid of honor. i haven't seen or talked to her in... a while. well, yesterday was my birthday and she was supposed to meet me at the casino to celebrate my birthday with me... but what do i get? no friend. no phone call. no text message. not even a god damned myspace comment. no "happy birthday, taryn". its one thing to completely ditch me, but its another to completely ignore me. but thats enough of that.. i'm beginning to realize why i shouldn't even post this.

anyways... like everyone said would happen, i lost all my friends from high school. everyone i used to laugh with at lunch and in classes and at parties are gone. they all have their own lives, and who wants to wait around on a girl that has a different path starting for her? i can't say i blame them, i have been terrible at trying to keep in touch. i just figured that we'd always be there for eachother.. but thats not the case. i guess life doesn't wait for you. people move on.

all of the sudden, i'm thrown into this huge dramatic melting pot that takes me back to high school. i didn't do anything wrong, but the girl always sides with the guy. there's nothing that will ever change. always take the guys word. never believe the girl. the girl is just a crazy devil that is out to get you, right? wrong. i thought about your feelings. i didnt think it was fitting to ruin your relationship that seemed to be going so well over a stupid "hey beautiful". but, i see it ruined more than that.. it ruined our friendship.


so i'm just sitting here... thinking about everything. about the one friend i have left. and i'm not going to lose her. nope. i'll prove to myself that i am capable of keeping a friendship. then i wont have to feel like every relationship i ever lost was my fault. plus, i love Brittany. :)

Birthday.

quick annoyance.

i hate when people post blogs that only have the lyrics of a song.

this heart.

it beats, beats for only you. <3


lets see...
nothing new has really happened.
i just finished the 2 week training for Bentley Manor and am getting ready to go to Orientation.. i'm really excited about this job.. it's right up my alley.

also!
jesse (my broseph) and stephen (henderson) are writing more songs and are getting into the studio pretty soon. they asked me to make a guest appearance and sing with them. suuuper excited. i need some practice, of course.. but here's a new video they posted of their newest song.. they rock. :)


anyways.. that's about it in the life of me.

xoxo

have you ever felt as if you were living in your own world and there was nothing you could do about it?

Lately;

Glen Gables was beautiful, of course. We're going to check out other places, just in case. The only bad thing about GG was the fact that we wouldn't need a limo. The reception hall is in the same building as the chapel. And, I know it should be a good thing that we wouldn't need to rent limos, but I always thought the whole limo ride would be part of the experience, you know? So, we'll see what happens.
Drew and I are great. He's taking me to the Soaring Eagle Casino for my birthday. (big 19!) So, that should be fun. And my mom's getting me a new phone, hopefully the Voyager.. :) (FEBRUARY 7th, DONT FORGET! :D:D)

I had a couple of interviews for 2 different nursing homes in the past month... and I got a job at the better one! I have to take 2 weeks worth of classes to become a certified DCW. So, for these next couple weeks, I'm doubling up with school and working and seeing drew. It's pretty stressful, but once these classes are over, it will be worth it. It's a great opportunity and will prepare me for my future.

That's about it.. I'm pretty boring lately.
XOXO

Just surfing facebook/myspace.

And I can't help but be so annoyed when I see pictures of someone taking a picture of themselves flipping the camera off. They're sooo hardcore, like, "yeah, i didn't want my picture taken... F*** OFF!" Too bad you're taking the picture of yourself, you punk rocker. You're trying to tell the world that "you don't care", but in reality, you do care, because you're wasting time taking pictures of yourself trying to look like you don't care. Also, I hate the peace sign. But I won't get into it.

Wedding update.

Drew and I are going to check out this place called Glen Gables out in Flushing on Friday. It's beautiful from what I can see in pictures.. and pretty cheap. It has the chapel and the reception hall together and they have a caterer. That takes a huge load off, no running around from place to place. But, I'm hoping this is the one. I'm sure we'll check out more places, but I'm already in love with this place.


XOXO<3

Impatient.

In a couple months, I'll be in heaven. As a graduation present, my grandma is taking me to Cancun and Costa Rica. Chalk this up as my first vacation and first time out of the country. (And my first time away from Drew for a couple weeks.. *sad*.) But, I'm verrrry excited about it. I picked up my passport application today.. :D
I just can't wait!

Also, I'm sure everyone knows this by now.. But, Drew and I picked a date! May 15, 2010. :)
Only a year and 5 months away.. I wish it'd fly by..

That's it for now. I'm boring.


And totally surfing online for some sweet bathing suits and shorts!!

2008-2009

thank god 2008 decided to end.
i'll drink to that.


2009, please bring something much more worthwhile.