VENTING.

alright. i'm completely vulnerable, at this point. and i'll probably regret posting this, but who gives a crap?

i'm so ready to leave this town. i've said that before, but i've never felt so repulsed by everyone around me. i feel disconnected from my friends and even some of my family. i feel i've fallen so out of the loop that there is no way that i'll ever get back in.

my best friend since i was a toddler has become just a mere acquaintance within the past couple of months. its devastating to say. i hate even saying it. this girl was practically my sister. i remember sitting in her living room. we both had drawing pads and we were drawing our dream wedding gowns and we promised right then and there that we'd be eachother's maid of honors. well, here we are. she is my maid of honor. i haven't seen or talked to her in... a while. well, yesterday was my birthday and she was supposed to meet me at the casino to celebrate my birthday with me... but what do i get? no friend. no phone call. no text message. not even a god damned myspace comment. no "happy birthday, taryn". its one thing to completely ditch me, but its another to completely ignore me. but thats enough of that.. i'm beginning to realize why i shouldn't even post this.

anyways... like everyone said would happen, i lost all my friends from high school. everyone i used to laugh with at lunch and in classes and at parties are gone. they all have their own lives, and who wants to wait around on a girl that has a different path starting for her? i can't say i blame them, i have been terrible at trying to keep in touch. i just figured that we'd always be there for eachother.. but thats not the case. i guess life doesn't wait for you. people move on.

all of the sudden, i'm thrown into this huge dramatic melting pot that takes me back to high school. i didn't do anything wrong, but the girl always sides with the guy. there's nothing that will ever change. always take the guys word. never believe the girl. the girl is just a crazy devil that is out to get you, right? wrong. i thought about your feelings. i didnt think it was fitting to ruin your relationship that seemed to be going so well over a stupid "hey beautiful". but, i see it ruined more than that.. it ruined our friendship.


so i'm just sitting here... thinking about everything. about the one friend i have left. and i'm not going to lose her. nope. i'll prove to myself that i am capable of keeping a friendship. then i wont have to feel like every relationship i ever lost was my fault. plus, i love Brittany. :)